An introvert may feel nervous on the first date; however, in fact, being an introvert has many advantages, even during the conversation with your date! I’ll explain it in this article. I will also show you some really cool conversation techniques that you can use immediately.
Play conversation basketball.
By that I mean you can introduce hooks when you are talking.
A bad example –
Him: How are you?
Her: Good. Thanks. How are you?
A good example (conversation basketball) –
Him: So glad to see you today. How have you been?
Her: I’ve been great. Thank you. This morning I had the most life-changing coffee. I guess I have finally figured out how to make good coffee. How are you today?
Him: Hmmm. I also had a good coffee this morning, but I’m wondering whose coffee is better, mine or yours?
Her: Maybe we should find it out some day.
Now you can see that playing conversation basketball isn’t playing games. Actually, it’s about adding extra information to what you want to say so that your date has something interesting to talk about, thereby making your conversation more meaningful and enjoyable.
By the way, in the second example, the man says “How have you been?” – This makes the woman feel that they have known each other for a while psychologically, so this makes them feel closer to each other quickly.
Introduce pauses and build chemistry.
Some people can’t stand the awkward silence. As a matter of fact, silence has two significant functions:
- If you are okay with the awkward silence as an introvert, you are showing your date that you are a very confident person. Therefore, your date feels that he/she should talk more. In this situation, your date will invest more in you.
- Silence builds chemistry. When both of you are silent, you can look at your date’s eyes for a few seconds, and then look at his/her nose for a few seconds, then look at his/her lips for a few seconds. Allow your eyes to travel slowly on your date’s face. This is the perfect technique to build chemistry under the radar.
Now you are going out for the very first date and you are nervous – that’s understandable and totally normal! I’d like to help you identify these fears and get over them today.
You are worried that you don’t look perfect.
The truth: You can never look perfect; you can only try your best to look good. I had a female client who spent three hours preparing for a date – choosing the right outfit, working on her hair and makeup, etc. In fact, men don’t know whether you have used lipstick or lip gloss! Therefore, as long as you are happy with what you see in the mirror, it’s all done! Also, if you are a man, you’ll be fine as long as you look clean and decent because women don’t really care about your looks that much!
You are thinking about what to say.
The truth: In fact, you don’t need to do the rehearsal in your head, because you want to sound natural! Ironically, the more relaxed you are, the more likeable you become. All you need to prepare is something interesting to talk about rather than a script. Most importantly, you should prepare for having fun! Being playful will make you attractive.
If you’ve decided that you like that person, now you are wondering whether she likes you.
The truth: You would be well-advised to understand what’s in your control and what’s out of your control. Trying your best to be presentable and sound interesting is something in your control; however, whether she is going to like you or not is out of your control. Do what you can, and make peace with the rest.
A bonus tip: make sure your first date is not too long – this is because a short first date (about 30 minutes) fuels the anticipation and desire, which makes it more likely for both of you to schedule a second date!
Safe dating advice: dating with confidence
Maybe you have left a relationship and now you’re wondering whether you should start dating again. No matter how you feel, I encourage you to start dating now – here is why:
Feel the pain, and do it anyway. Ending a relationship isn’t the easiest thing in the world, so probably you are in pain – and that’s normal. In fact, that is ten times better than being numb. Think about an injured athlete: if an athlete is injured, do they completely stop training? No. Actually, once their injury has recovered to some degree, the start to do training again slowly. Therefore, you should also acknowledge the pain, and start dating again.
Your previous relationships are not completely negative. Personally, I think every previous relationship of mine was a success, because each relationship taught me something very meaningful and those experiences made me who I am today. Without my past, I probably wouldn’t be here writing this article for you. Therefore, your previous relationships have become the soil which nurtures this beautiful flower (your life) now! The learning from your past makes your future relationship much better, so you have a more profound understanding of love from now on.
Making an effort VS making an intelligent effort. Instead of going to random parties (making an effort), you can go to do some activities that you actually enjoy, because your hobbies are your values. It’s important to find someone who shares the same core values with you (making an intelligent effort) – that makes your relationship sustainable in the long run. If both of you enjoy reading (your value is knowledge), you are very likely to meet each other at a book club.
Let’s end this topic with something fun – How to Manage Your First Kiss with Someone Special: Do’s and Don’ts
Now you are considering having your very first kiss with someone special, so I’ve decided to make a list of do’s and don’ts for you, so that you will enjoy your first kiss today!
Do include touch. That means when you are kissing your partner, you should also touch that person in a sensual way. For instance, you can touch your partner’s neck and back slowly and passionately when you are kissing your partner. This will dramatically increase chemistry.
Do it slowly. Your first kiss should be best characterized by a slow and gentle kiss. Look at your partner’s eyes closely. Allow your eyes to “travel” on different areas of your partner’s face gradually. This will build massive tension. When your eyes are looking at your partner’s lips, you can start the kiss.
Don’t wear too much lipstick (don’t kiss a girl who wears too much lipstick). If a woman wears too much lipstick, her partner may be turned off because nobody wants to kiss wax. If you are a man seeing your woman wearing too much lipstick, try not to kiss her at that time because you don’t want to look like a clown after the kiss (her lipstick will be around your lips).
“Now you are equipped with the knowledge, so it’s time to hone your kissing skills!”